Sarah, I found your story really intriguing and I love it! The guy with the appearance of a druggy who reveals himself to be charming. The mother with the appearance of a righteous women who reveals herself to be less virtuous as she pretends to be. The striking axis of this revelation being the pretentious attitude of the mother looking at the appearance of the guy! What an excellent rhetorical shift : ) Now, concerning improvements, that is what I would do. Why are you using an italic style in the first portion? The story of the guy is spelled by a narrator, the same as for the story of the woman. Both portions should have the same font style: “normal”, not italic. Also, you might want to reread the whole text as it contains many typos and grammatical errors, especially in the second portion. Take care!